Divine motherhood

In 1979, Iris Krasnow stalked Michigan Avenue in an ankle-lengthpossum coat, purple cowboy boots and a diamond ring given to her byher boss, public relations maven Margie Korshak.

A Sun-Times Sunday magazine article in February of that yeardescribed her as one of "Margie's poodles."

Krasnow's quote from that article: "I've never been the kind ofperson who liked to be in anyone's shadow. But with Margie I haven'tminded at all. She has an incredible, incredible shadow. I couldstay here forever."The Oak Park-born Krasnow had come home from California, wherecollege, Transcendental Meditation and Ram Dass had failed to unlockher true spirituality. Alas, neither did her "Hot, Happening,Alive!" phase squiring around Korshak's star clients.So she went to Dallas and became a fashion writer with aburnished tan, muscled arms and no belly. Not finding God there, shemoved on to Washington, D.C., where she interviewed and wrote aboutfamous people for United Press International.Some were Billy Graham, the evangelist, and Chuck Colson, theformer Nixon special counsel who became a born-again Christian. As"the gluttony of the '80s" dragged to a close, still she hungered. Aboyfriend entered the priesthood and Krasnow attended Friday nightservices at a Conservative Jewish congregation.The Big Revelation did not occur until some years later, afterKrasnow married Chuck Anthony at Chicago's Standard Club, and theybecame the parents of four boys in less than four years (the youngestare twins), and Krasnow, still pursing her writing career, lostanother nanny. She describes her epiphany:"Amid the noise of boys and my swinging emotions, I suddenly gotvery still inside. Wrapped in the gray bathrobe four babies hadnestled against while they nursed, my brain started clanging thisjubilant message: There are no shackles in this house, this is nojail. These kids are your ticket to freedom like nothing you've evertasted, the kind that is not hinged on TV appearances or writing forLife magazine or being a size 6 again. It's the liberation thatcomes from the sheer act of living itself. When you stop to be whereyou are, then your life can really begin. . . . On that gray carpetwith egg under my nails and egg in my hair, I realized that for thefirst time in my life I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Onmy knees, scraping my babies' lunch off the carpet, bowing to theGreat Buddha, humbled, mercifully beaten down by children butexalted, glory God This Was It."Her story is now a book, Surrendering to Motherhood (Hyperion,$22.95) and Krasnow, 42, last week peeled the boys off of her andflew to Chicago to see her mother and talk about the book.The short version: "If you choose to become a parent, be there.Childhood is over in an eye blink; you don't want to miss the chanceto love fully and to feel whole and to be fully loved, sensations nojob can ever give you."It is a valid message, true and important, yet Krasnow is toldit is controversial."I've had really hard-core professional women who are my friendsand my relatives telling me that I'm undoing the last 20 years of thewomen's movement - that I'm not growing up, I'm growing down,"Krasnow said.Ouch.Heaven knows, there have been plenty of those "motherhood is thehighest power" first-person accounts flooding the market in recentyears, including more than a few written by former high-poweredcareer women who experience the very thing Krasnow discovered:"What I've realized just from being the mother of a lot ofchildren and having done a lot of things in my life was that oftenthe higher I climbed the emptier I felt. And that after being invery many exotic destinations, often with very exotic people,searching far and wide for something - anything - that the bestsensation I ever had was having a kid slumped against my chest andsitting still in a rocking chair and being their mother in the hereand now."Interspersed with certain undeniable truths are Krasnow'sinterviews with famous people - Perry Ellis, Queen Noor of Jordan,Barbara Bush, Yoko Ono, Billy Graham - and their thoughts on theimportance of family ties. Name-Drop City!She is honest about how being the first and the best becomesaddictive. She understands that some successful women withhold totalsurrender to their children to sustain themselves.And she hasn't totally surrendered, she points out, she'ssurrendering. She still managed to write the book. But no matterwhat, she says, "I am so grounded now from being a mother, and in away that will be with me forever. This sounds so corny, but there isnot a day or hour that goes by that I'm not hit with the realizationthat God has come through for me. It's not the airy fairy stuff thatI was meditating on cliffs at Big Sur for."Is it another phase? Margie Korshak wonders."I love her to death and I appreciate the message she's gettingout," said Korshak of her former poodle. "She's a fabulous girl.She's creative, she's bright. Do I think this is permanent? No. Ithink this is a stage of Iris' life."Korshak upset convention by starting a career in 1967 when herchildren were 5 and 2. People told her, "This isn't good for yourimage."She couldn't help it. "I hated sitting on the park bench," shesaid.Now that her children are grown and Korshak sits at the top ofthe career ladder, she concedes her decision was a "double-edgedsword.""I feel my kids suffered because I wasn't around. I have guiltfeelings about it. They say it was fine, but I don't feel 100percent about it."So maybe Krasnow's phase will save her that guilt."Women play a lot of roles," observes Korshak.